空山靈雨 Empty Mountain, Spiritual Rain14 / 45

信仰底哀傷 The Sorrow of Faith

信仰底哀傷The Sorrow of Faith

信仰底哀伤

在更闌人靜底時候，倫文就要到池邊對他心裏所立底樂神請求說，『我怎能In the still hours of deepest night, Lun Wen would go to the pond's edge and entreat the god of music enshrined in his heart, saying, 'How can I

在更阑人静底时候，伦文就要到池边对他心里所立底乐神请求说，『我怎能

得着天才呢？attain genius?我底天才缺乏了，我要表現的，也不能盡地表現了！My genius has grown scant, and what I wish to express, I can no longer express to the full!天才可以像油那樣，Can genius, like oil,

得着天才呢？我底天才缺乏了，我要表现的，也不能尽地表现了！天才可以像油那样，

日日添注入我這盞小燈麽？be poured into this little lamp of mine, day after day?若是能，求你爲我注入些少．』If it can, I beg you to pour a little in for me.'

日日添注入我这盏小灯么？若是能，求你为我注入些少．』

『我已經爲你注入了．』'I have already poured it in for you.'

『我已经为你注入了．』

倫先生聽見這句話，便放心囘到自己底屋裏．他捨不得睡，提起樂器來，一口氣Hearing these words, Mr. Lun went back to his room with his mind at ease. Unwilling to sleep, he took up his instrument, and in one breath

伦先生听见这句话，便放心囘到自己底屋里．他舍不得睡，提起乐器来，一口气

就製成一曲．自己奏了又奏，覺得滿意，才含着笑，到臥室去．composed a whole piece. He played it over and over to himself, and only when he felt satisfied did he go to his bedroom, smiling.

就制成一曲．自己奏了又奏，觉得满意，才含着笑，到卧室去．

第二天早晨，他還沒有盥漱，便又把昨晚上底作品奏過幾遍；The next morning, before he had even washed his face, he played through the previous night's composition several times more;隨卽封好，教人郵then at once sealed it up and had someone post it

第二天早晨，他还没有盥漱，便又把昨晚上底作品奏过几遍；随即封好，教人邮

到歌劇場去．to the opera house.

到歌剧场去．

他底作品一發表出來，許多批評隨着在報上登載八九天．那些批評都很恭維As soon as his work appeared, many reviews followed, running in the newspapers for eight or nine days. Those reviews all flattered

他底作品一发表出来，许多批评随着在报上登载八九天．那些批评都很恭维

他；him;說他是這一派，那一派．可是他又苦起來了！saying he belonged to this school, that school. And yet once again he fell into anguish!

他；说他是这一派，那一派．可是他又苦起来了！

在深夜底時候，他又到池邊去，垂頭喪氣地對着池水，從口中發出顫聲說，『我In the depths of night, he went again to the pond's edge, and, downcast, facing the water, a trembling voice broke from his lips, saying, 'Can the

在深夜底时候，他又到池边去，垂头丧气地对着池水，从口中发出颤声说，『我

所用底音節，不能達我底意思麽？notes I use not convey my meaning?呀，我底天才丟失了！Ah, my genius is lost!再給我注入一點罷．』Pour a little more into me, please.'

所用底音节，不能达我底意思么？呀，我底天才丢失了！再给我注入一点罢．』

『我已經爲你注入了．』'I have already poured it in for you.'

『我已经为你注入了．』

他屢次求，心中只聽得這句囘答．每一作品發表出來，所得底批評，每每使他憂Time and again he entreated, but in his heart he heard only this one answer. Every time a work of his was published, the criticism it received would often leave him

他屡次求，心中只听得这句囘答．每一作品发表出来，所得底批评，每每使他忧

鬱不樂．最後，他把樂器摔碎了，說，『我信我底天才丟了，我不再作曲子了．唉，我所依melancholy and despondent. At last he smashed his instrument to pieces, saying, 'I believe my genius is gone—I will compose no more. Ah, the one I

郁不乐．最后，他把乐器摔碎了，说，『我信我底天才丢了，我不再作曲子了．唉，我所依

賴底，枉費你眷顧我了．』depended on—your care for me has been spent in vain.'

赖底，枉费你眷顾我了．』

自此以後，社會上再不能享受他底作品；From that time on, society could no longer enjoy his works;他也不曉得往那里去了．and no one knew where he had gone.

自此以后，社会上再不能享受他底作品；他也不晓得往那里去了．

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What it’s about

Late at night Lunwen prays beside a pond to the god of joy he has established in his heart, asking for enough talent to express all he means. Could genius be poured daily into his little lamp like oil? A voice answers that it has already been poured. Reassured, he returns home, composes an entire piece without stopping, plays it repeatedly with satisfaction and sends it to the opera house first thing next morning. The prayer appears to have been answered in both fluency and public performance.

For eight or nine days the newspapers praise the work, assigning its composer to one school after another. Yet their compliments make Lunwen miserable: if critics discuss categories rather than what he meant, perhaps his musical notes failed to carry his meaning and his talent has vanished. Each renewed prayer receives the same assurance, but every publication deepens his gloom. At last he smashes his instrument, renounces composition and disappears, depriving society of future music. His tragedy is not lack of talent or recognition; it is faith unable to survive the ordinary gap between making art and controlling how others hear it.

When it was written 背景

Xu Dishan was raised in a Christian environment, studied theology and comparative religion, and regularly placed biblical images beside Buddhist ones. The lamp and oil recall New Testament parables as well as the broad devotional metaphor of illumination, while 樂神, the “god of joy,” remains Lunwen's personal inward figure rather than a securely orthodox name. Early twentieth-century criticism eagerly sorted new art into imported movements and schools; the story turns apparently generous classification into a failure of listening. Its title makes artistic confidence a kind of faith, then shows the sorrow produced when reviews cannot verify private meaning. Learners should follow the repeating cycle of prayer, composition, publication and criticism: the divine answer never changes, but Lunwen's reading of public praise steadily destroys his ability to accept it.

Words in this chapter 生词