死後 After Death

我夢見自己死在道路上。I dreamed that I died on the road.

我梦见自己死在道路上。

這是那里，我怎麽到這里來，怎麽死的，這些事我全不明白。Where this was, how I had come to be here, how I had died—of all this I understood nothing.總之，待到我自己知道已經死掉的時候，就已經死在那里了。In any case, by the time I myself knew I was already dead, I was already dead there.

这是那里，我怎么到这里来，怎么死的，这些事我全不明白。总之，待到我自己知道已经死掉的时候，就已经死在那里了。

聽到幾聲喜鵲叫，接着是一陣烏老鴉。I heard a few calls of magpies, followed by a burst of crows.空氣很淸爽，——雖然也帶些土氣息，——大約正當黎明時候罷。The air was very fresh—though it carried a whiff of earth—it must have been about dawn.我想睜開眼睛來，他卻絲毫也不動，簡直不像是我的眼睛；I wanted to open my eyes, but they would not move in the least; they scarcely seemed like my own eyes;于是想擡手，也一樣。then I thought to raise my hand, and it was the same.

听到几声喜鹊叫，接着是一阵乌老鸦。空气很淸爽，——虽然也带些土气息，——大约正当黎明时候罢。我想睁开眼睛来，他却丝毫也不动，简直不像是我的眼睛；于是想抬手，也一样。

恐怖的利鏃忽然穿透我的心了。A sharp arrow of terror suddenly pierced my heart.在我生存時，曾經玩笑地設想：假使一個人的死亡，只是運動神經的廢滅，而知覺還在，那就比全死了更可怕。While I was alive, I had once jokingly imagined: suppose a person's death were merely the extinction of the motor nerves, while sensation remained—that would be more terrible than being wholly dead.誰知道我的預想竟的中了，我自己就在證實這預想。Who would have thought my supposition had actually come true—I myself was now proving it.

恐怖的利镞忽然穿透我的心了。在我生存时，曾经玩笑地设想：假使一个人的死亡，只是运动神经的废灭，而知觉还在，那就比全死了更可怕。谁知道我的预想竟的中了，我自己就在证实这预想。

聽到腳步聲，走路的罷。I heard footsteps—someone walking, probably.一輛獨輪車從我的頭邊推過，大約是重載的，軋軋地叫得人心煩，還有些牙齒齼。A wheelbarrow was pushed past by my head, heavily loaded it seemed, creaking so as to grate on the nerves, and setting one's teeth on edge.很覺得滿眼緋紅，一定是太陽上來了。I felt a crimson redness fill my eyes; the sun must have risen.那麽，我的臉是朝東的。So then, my face was turned toward the east.但那都沒有什麽關係。But none of that mattered.切切嚓嚓的人聲，看熱鬧的。There came a murmur of voices, whispering—people come to watch the excitement.他們踹起黃土來，飛進我的鼻孔，使我想打噴嚏了，但終於沒有打，僅有想打的心。Their feet kicked up the yellow dust, which flew into my nostrils and made me want to sneeze, but in the end I did not sneeze—there was only the urge to.

听到脚步声，走路的罢。一辆独轮车从我的头边推过，大约是重载的，轧轧地叫得人心烦，还有些牙齿𬺓。很觉得满眼绯红，一定是太阳上来了。那么，我的脸是朝东的。但那都没有什么关系。切切嚓嚓的人声，看热闹的。他们踹起黄土来，飞进我的鼻孔，使我想打喷嚏了，但终于没有打，仅有想打的心。

陸陸續續地又是腳步聲，都到近旁就停下，還有更多的低語聲：看的人多起來了。More footsteps came one after another, each stopping close by, and there were more murmured voices too: the onlookers were growing in number.我忽然很想聽聽他們的議論。Suddenly I very much wanted to hear what they were saying.但同時想，我生存時說的什麽批評不値一笑的話，大槪是違心之論罷：纔死，就露了破綻了。But at the same time I thought: whatever critical remarks I had made while alive, not worth a laugh, were probably insincere—no sooner dead than the flaw was exposed.然而還是聽；Even so, I went on listening;然而畢竟得不到結論，歸納起來不過是這樣!——but in the end I could draw no conclusion; summed up, it amounted to no more than this!—

陆陆续续地又是脚步声，都到近旁就停下，还有更多的低语声：看的人多起来了。我忽然很想听听他们的议论。但同时想，我生存时说的什么批评不値一笑的话，大槪是违心之论罢：才死，就露了破绽了。然而还是听；然而毕竟得不到结论，归纳起来不过是这样!——

『死了?……』'Dead?......'

『嗡。——這……』'Mm. — This......'

『嗡。——这……』

『哼！……』'Humph!......'

『嘖……。'Tsk.......唉！……』Ah!......'

『啧……。唉！……』

我十分高興，因爲始終沒有聽到一個熟識的聲音。I was extremely glad, for I had not once heard a familiar voice.否則，或者害得他們傷心；Otherwise, it might have grieved them;或則要使他們快意；or it might have pleased them;或則要使他們加添些飯後閑談的材料，多破費寶貴的工夫；or it might have given them material for idle chat after dinner, wasting more of their precious time;這都會使我很抱歉。any of which would have made me feel very sorry.現在誰也看不見，就是誰也不受影響。Now that no one recognized me, no one was affected at all.好了，總算對得起人了！Good, then—at last I could feel I had done right by others!

我十分高兴，因为始终没有听到一个熟识的声音。否则，或者害得他们伤心；或则要使他们快意；或则要使他们加添些饭后闲谈的材料，多破费宝贵的工夫；这都会使我很抱歉。现在谁也看不见，就是谁也不受影响。好了，总算对得起人了！

但是，大約是一個馬蟻，在我的脊梁上爬着，癢癢的。But then, it seemed an ant was crawling on my back, tickling.我一點也不能動，已經沒有除去他的能力了；I could not move in the least; I no longer had the power to get rid of it;倘在平時，只將身子一扭，就能使他退避。had it been ordinary times, a mere twist of the body would have made it retreat.而且，大腿上又爬着一個哩！And what's more, there was another one crawling on my thigh!你們是做什麽的？What do you think you are doing?蟲豸！Vermin!

但是，大约是一个马蚁，在我的脊梁上爬着，痒痒的。我一点也不能动，已经没有除去他的能力了；倘在平时，只将身子一扭，就能使他退避。而且，大腿上又爬着一个哩！你们是做什么的？虫豸！

事情可更壞了：嗡的一聲，就有一個靑蠅停在我的顴骨上，走了幾步，又一飛，開口便䑛我的鼻尖。Things grew even worse: with a buzz, a bluebottle fly landed on my cheekbone, took a few steps, flew up again, and then set right in to lick the tip of my nose.我懊惱地想：足下，我不是什麽偉人，你無須到我身上來尋做論的材料……。Vexed, I thought: my good sir, I am no great man; you need not come to me in search of material for an essay......但是不能說出來。But I could not say it aloud.他卻從鼻尖跑下，又用冷舌頭來䑛我的嘴脣了，不知道可是表示親愛。Yet it ran down from the tip of my nose and licked my lips with its cold tongue—whether meant as a show of affection, I could not tell.還有幾個則聚在眉毛上，跨一步，我的毛根就一搖。Several more gathered on my eyebrows, and with each step they took, the roots of my hairs shook.實在使我煩厭得不堪，——不堪之至。It was truly unbearably vexing—vexing beyond endurance.

事情可更坏了：嗡的一声，就有一个靑蝇停在我的颧骨上，走了几步，又一飞，开口便䑛我的鼻尖。我懊恼地想：足下，我不是什么伟人，你无须到我身上来寻做论的材料……。但是不能说出来。他却从鼻尖跑下，又用冷舌头来䑛我的嘴唇了，不知道可是表示亲爱。还有几个则聚在眉毛上，跨一步，我的毛根就一摇。实在使我烦厌得不堪，——不堪之至。

忽然，一陣風，一片東西從上面蓋下來，他們就一同飛開了，臨走時還說——Suddenly, a gust of wind, and something came down to cover me from above; they all flew off together, saying as they left—

忽然，一阵风，一片东西从上面盖下来，他们就一同飞开了，临走时还说——

『惜哉！……』'What a pity!......'

我憤怒得幾乎昏厥過去。I was so furious I nearly fainted.

我愤怒得几乎昏厥过去。

木材摔在地上的鈍重的聲音同着地面的震動，使我忽然淸醒，前額上感着蘆席的條紋。The dull, heavy sound of timber falling to the ground, together with the tremor of the earth, suddenly woke me to full awareness, and I felt on my forehead the ridged pattern of a reed mat.但那蘆席就被掀去了，又立刻感到了日光的灼熱。But that reed mat was at once lifted away, and immediately I felt the scorching heat of the sun.還聽得有人說——I also heard someone say—

木材摔在地上的钝重的声音同着地面的震动，使我忽然淸醒，前额上感着芦席的条纹。但那芦席就被掀去了，又立刻感到了日光的灼热。还听得有人说——

『怎麽要死在這里？……』'Why did he have to go and die here?......'

『怎么要死在这里？……』

這聲音離我很近，他正彎着腰罷。The voice was very close to me; he must have been bending over.但人應該死在那里呢？But where, then, ought a person to die?我先前以爲人在地上雖沒有任意生存的權利，卻總有任意死掉的權利的。I had previously believed that although a person on this earth has no right to live as he pleases, he does at least have the right to die as he pleases.現在纔知道並不然，也很難適合人們的公意。Only now did I learn it was not so—that even this is hard to make conform to the general will of others.可惜我久沒了紙筆；A pity that I had long since had no paper or pen;卽有也不能寫，而且卽使寫了也沒有地方發表了。and even had I had them, I could not have written, and even had I written, there would have been nowhere to publish it.只好就這樣地拋開。So I had no choice but to let the matter drop.

这声音离我很近，他正弯着腰罢。但人应该死在那里呢？我先前以为人在地上虽没有任意生存的权利，却总有任意死掉的权利的。现在才知道并不然，也很难适合人们的公意。可惜我久没了纸笔；即有也不能写，而且即使写了也没有地方发表了。只好就这样地抛开。

有人來擡我，也不知道是誰。Someone came to lift me up; I did not know who it was.聽到刀鞘聲，還有巡警在這里罷，在我所不應該『死在這里』的這里。I heard the clink of a scabbard—there must still be a policeman here, here in this place where I was not supposed to have 'died here.'我被翻了幾個轉身，便覺得向上一舉，又往下一沈；I was turned over a few times, then felt myself lifted up, and then sink down again;又聽得蓋了蓋，釘着釘。then I heard a lid put on, and nails being driven in.但是，奇怪，只釘了兩個。But, strange to say, only two nails were driven.難道這里的棺材釘，是只釘兩個的麽？Could it be that in this place coffins are nailed with only two nails?

有人来抬我，也不知道是谁。听到刀鞘声，还有巡警在这里罢，在我所不应该『死在这里』的这里。我被翻了几个转身，便觉得向上一举，又往下一沈；又听得盖了盖，钉着钉。但是，奇怪，只钉了两个。难道这里的棺材钉，是只钉两个的么？

我想：這回是六面碰壁，外加釘子。I thought: this time it is walls on all six sides, plus nails besides.眞是完全失敗，嗚呼哀哉了！……Truly a complete failure—alas, alack!......

我想：这回是六面碰壁，外加钉子。真是完全失败，呜呼哀哉了！……

『氣悶！……』我又想。'It's stifling!......' I thought again.

『气闷！……』我又想。

然而我其實卻比先前已經寧靜得多，雖然知不淸埋了沒有。And yet, in fact, I was already far calmer than before, though I could not tell clearly whether I had been buried or not.在手背上觸到草席的條紋，覺得這屍衾倒也不惡。On the back of my hand I felt the ridged pattern of a straw mat, and thought this shroud not so bad after all.只不知道是誰給我化錢的，可惜！Only I did not know who had spent the money for me—what a pity!但是，可惡，收斂的小子們！But, how detestable, those fellows who laid me out!我背後的小衫的一角皺起來了，他們並不給我拉平，現在抵得我很難受。A corner of my undershirt had wrinkled up behind my back, and they had not smoothed it out for me; now it pressed against me most uncomfortably.你們以爲死人無知，做事就這樣地草率麽？Did you think a dead man has no awareness, and so did your work so carelessly?哈哈！Ha ha!

然而我其实却比先前已经宁静得多，虽然知不淸埋了没有。在手背上触到草席的条纹，觉得这尸衾倒也不恶。只不知道是谁给我化钱的，可惜！但是，可恶，收敛的小子们！我背后的小衫的一角皱起来了，他们并不给我拉平，现在抵得我很难受。你们以为死人无知，做事就这样地草率么？哈哈！

我的身體似乎比活的時候要重得多，所以壓着衣皺便格外的不舒服。My body seemed far heavier than when alive, so that pressing on the wrinkled cloth was all the more uncomfortable.但我想，不久就可以習慣的；But I thought, before long I would get used to it;或者就要腐爛，不至於再有什麽大麻煩。or else I would soon rot away, and there would be no great trouble anymore.此刻還不如靜靜地靜着想。For the moment, it was better simply to lie quietly and think.

我的身体似乎比活的时候要重得多，所以压着衣皱便格外的不舒服。但我想，不久就可以习惯的；或者就要腐烂，不至于再有什么大麻烦。此刻还不如静静地静着想。

『您好？'How are you?您死了麽？』Are you dead?'

『您好？您死了么？』

是一個頗爲耳熟的聲音。It was a voice rather familiar to my ear.睜眼看時，卻是勃古齋舊書鋪的跑外的小伙計。When I opened my eyes to look, it turned out to be the young clerk who did the errands for the Bogu Zhai secondhand bookshop.不見約有二十多年了，倒還是那一副老樣子。I had not seen him in some twenty-odd years, yet he still had that same old look.我又看看六面的壁，委實太毛糙，簡直毫沒有加過一點修刮，鋸絨還是毛毿毿的。I looked again at the walls on all six sides—truly too rough; not the slightest bit of planing or finishing had been done, the sawdust fuzz still shaggy and unkempt.

是一个颇为耳熟的声音。睁眼看时，却是勃古斋旧书铺的跑外的小伙计。不见约有二十多年了，倒还是那一副老样子。我又看看六面的壁，委实太毛糙，简直毫没有加过一点修刮，锯绒还是毛毵毵的。

『那不礙事，那不要緊。』他說，一面打開暗藍色布的包裹來。『這是明板公羊傳，嘉靖黑口本，給您送來了。'That doesn't matter, that's of no consequence,' he said, undoing a bundle wrapped in dark blue cloth as he spoke. 'This is a Ming-block edition of the Gongyang Commentary, a Jiajing black-page-center printing—I've brought it for you.您留下他罷。Do keep it.這是……。』This is......'

『那不碍事，那不要紧。』他说，一面打开暗蓝色布的包裹来。『这是明板公羊传，嘉靖黑口本，给您送来了。您留下他罢。这是……。』

『你！』我詫異地看定他的眼睛，說，『你莫非眞正胡塗了？'You!' I said, staring in astonishment at his eyes. 'Have you truly lost your wits?你看我這模樣，還要看什麽明板？……』Look at the state I'm in—what use would I have for some Ming edition?......'

『你！』我诧异地看定他的眼睛，说，『你莫非真正胡涂了？你看我这模样，还要看什么明板？……』

『那可以看，那不礙事。』'That's all right, that's no problem.'

『那可以看，那不碍事。』

我卽刻閉上眼睛，因爲對他很煩厭。I closed my eyes at once, for I found him extremely tiresome.停了一會，沒有聲息，他大約走了。After a while there was no more sound; he must have left.但是似乎一個馬蟻又在��子上爬起來，終於爬到臉上，只繞着眼眶轉圈子。But it seemed an ant was again crawling on the back of my neck, and at last crawled onto my face, going round and round the rims of my eyes.

我即刻闭上眼睛，因为对他很烦厌。停了一会，没有声息，他大约走了。但是似乎一个马蚁又在𩓐子上爬起来，终于爬到脸上，只绕着眼眶转圈子。

萬不料人的思想，是死掉之後也還會變化的。I had never imagined that a person's thoughts could still go on changing even after death.忽而，有一種力將我的心的平安衝破；Suddenly, some force burst through the peace of my heart;同時，許多夢也都做在眼前了。and at the same time, many dreams unfolded before my eyes.幾個朋友祝我安樂，幾個讎敵祝我滅亡。A few friends wished me peace and happiness; a few enemies wished me destruction.我卻總是既不安樂，也不滅亡地不上不下地生活下來，都不能副任何一面的期望。Yet I had always lived on, neither happy nor destroyed, neither up nor down, fulfilling the expectations of neither side.現在又影一般死掉了，連讎敵也不使知道，不肯贈給他們一點惠而不費的歡欣。……And now I had died like a mere shadow, not even letting my enemies know of it, unwilling to grant them even that small, costless joy......

万不料人的思想，是死掉之后也还会变化的。忽而，有一种力将我的心的平安冲破；同时，许多梦也都做在眼前了。几个朋友祝我安乐，几个雠敌祝我灭亡。我却总是既不安乐，也不灭亡地不上不下地生活下来，都不能副任何一面的期望。现在又影一般死掉了，连雠敌也不使知道，不肯赠给他们一点惠而不费的欢欣。……

我覺得在快意中要哭出來。I felt, in the midst of gladness, that I was about to weep.這大槪是我死後第一次的哭。This was probably the first time I had wept since my death.

我觉得在快意中要哭出来。这大槪是我死后第一次的哭。

然而終于也沒有眼淚流下；Yet in the end no tears fell;只看見眼前仿佛有火花一閃，我于是坐了起來。I merely saw, as it were, a spark flash before my eyes, and thereupon I sat up.

然而终于也没有眼泪流下；只看见眼前仿佛有火花一闪，我于是坐了起来。

（一九二五年七月十二日。）(July 12, 1925.)