空山靈雨 Empty Mountain, Spiritual Rain38 / 45

我想 I Think

我想I think.

我想什麽？What do I think about?

我想什么？

我心裏本有一條達到極樂園地底路，從前曾被那女人走過底，現在那人不在In my heart there was once a road leading to the Land of Ultimate Bliss, one that woman had walked before; but now she is no longer here,

我心里本有一条达到极乐园地底路，从前曾被那女人走过底，现在那人不在

了，這條路不但是荒蕪，並且被野草、閒花、棘枝、繞藤佔據得找不出來了！and this road has not only fallen into desolation, but has been so overrun by wild grass, idle flowers, thorny branches, and twining vines that it can no longer even be found!

了，这条路不但是荒芜，并且被野草、闲花、棘枝、绕藤占据得找不出来了！

我計久就想着這條路，不單是開給她走底她不在，我豈不能獨自來往？For a long time now I have thought about this road — it was not opened for her alone to walk; now that she is gone, can I not still come and go on it by myself?

我计久就想着这条路，不单是开给她走底她不在，我岂不能独自来往？

但是野草、閒花這樣美麗、香甜，我怎捨得把他們去掉呢？But the wild grass and idle flowers are so beautiful and fragrant — how could I bear to clear them away?棘枝、繞藤又那樣橫逆、And the thorny branches and twining vines are so unruly,

但是野草、闲花这样美丽、香甜，我怎舍得把他们去掉呢？棘枝、绕藤又那样横逆、

蔓延，我手裏又沒有器械，怎敢惹他們呢？spreading everywhere — and with no tool in my hand, how would I dare disturb them?我想獨自在那路上徘徊，總沒有實行底日I have thought of wandering alone on that road, but I have never had a day

蔓延，我手里又没有器械，怎敢惹他们呢？我想独自在那路上徘徊，总没有实行底日

子．to carry it out.

日子一久，我連那條路底方向也忘了．我只能日日跑到路口那個小池底岸邊As the days went by, I even forgot which direction that road lay. I could only go every day to the bank of that little pond at the road's mouth

日子一久，我连那条路底方向也忘了．我只能日日跑到路口那个小池底岸边

靜坐，在那里悵望，和沈思那草掩、藤封底道途．and sit there quietly, gazing forlornly and pondering over that path hidden by grass and sealed by vines.

静坐，在那里怅望，和沈思那草掩、藤封底道途．

狂風一吹，野花亂墜，池中錦魚道是好餌來了，爭着上來唼喋．我所想底，也浮在When a fierce wind blew, wild flowers scattered down, and the brocade carp in the pond, taking them for good bait, vied to rise up and gulp at them. What I was thinking of also floated on

狂风一吹，野花乱坠，池中锦鱼道是好饵来了，争着上来唼喋．我所想底，也浮在

水面被魚喋入口裏；the water's surface and was swallowed into a fish's mouth;復幻成泡沫吐出來，仍舊浮囘空中．then it turned back into foam and was spat out, floating up into the air once more.

水面被鱼喋入口里；复幻成泡沫吐出来，仍旧浮囘空中．

魚還是活活潑潑地游；The fish still swam about, lively and carefree;路又不肯自己開了；the road still would not open itself;我更不能把所想底撇在一邊．呀！and I, even more, could not set aside what I was thinking. Ah!

鱼还是活活泼泼地游；路又不肯自己开了；我更不能把所想底撇在一边．呀！

我定睛望着上下游泳底錦魚；I fixed my eyes on the brocade carp swimming up and down;我底囘想也隨着上下游蕩，and my memories drifted up and down along with them,

我定睛望着上下游泳底锦鱼；我底囘想也随着上下游荡，

呀，女人！ah, the woman!你現在成爲我「記憶底池」中底錦魚了．你有時浮上來，使我得以看見You have now become a brocade carp in my "pond of memory." Sometimes you float up, letting me catch sight of

呀，女人！你现在成为我「记忆底池」中底锦鱼了．你有时浮上来，使我得以看见

你；you;有時沈下去，使我費神猜想你是在某片落葉底下！sometimes you sink down, leaving me to rack my brains wondering whether you are beneath some fallen leaf!或某塊沙石之間，or among some patch of sand and stone,

你；有时沈下去，使我费神猜想你是在某片落叶底下！或某块沙石之间，

但是那條路底方向我早忘了，我只能每日坐在池邊，盼望你能從水底浮上來．but I long ago forgot which direction that road lay, so I can only sit by the pond every day, hoping you will rise up from beneath the water.

但是那条路底方向我早忘了，我只能每日坐在池边，盼望你能从水底浮上来．

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What it’s about

The speaker imagines that his heart once contained a road to paradise traveled by a woman who is now gone. Weeds, flowers, thorns and vines have overgrown it. He tells himself the path was not made only for her and he could walk it alone, but the flowers are too lovely to remove and the thorns too dangerous without tools. Delay eventually erases even the road's direction.

He sits each day beside a pool at its former entrance, thinking about the blocked way. Wind scatters flowers; ornamental fish swallow his thoughts as food and breathe them back as bubbles. The absent woman becomes a fish in the pool of memory, sometimes surfacing visibly and sometimes hiding beneath leaf or stone. He can neither reopen transcendence nor abandon recollection, so desire circles within an image whose beauty is itself part of the obstruction.

When it was written 背景

This prose poem turns mourning into spatial psychology: road, vegetation and pool are not scenery surrounding memory but the forms memory takes. Paradise once seemed reachable through another person; after loss, attractive wildflowers and hostile thorns become equally effective barriers, complicating any simple command to move on. The fish and bubbles make thought material yet impossible to hold. Learners should notice the progression from 我想 to 囘想 and 猜想, and from road to pool. The short title sounds active, but nearly every action is deferred, displaced or performed by wind and fish rather than the seated speaker.

Words in this chapter 生词